Milestones and Mirrors

I know it's been quite a while since I posted, but it seems like I haven't had much to talk about (besides a lot of personal stuff).  However, I recently reached a major milestone and made an amazing purchase!

I was recently spending some leisurely time shopping at Hobby Lobby (LOVE that place!!) and I happened upon the aisle with mirrors.  The sign said, "All mirrors 50% off."  I have to tell you... I have HATED mirrors for more years than I can count, and I avoided them as much as I could - especially full length ones!  BUT... miracle of all miracles, with my weight loss I have found that I CAN face the full length mirror!  So I bought one (at half price, did I mention that??)!  I hauled it into my house and leaned it up against the wall.  And I looked at myself without fear.  For those of you who have battled weight and self esteem issues, you understand how signficant this is.  Seriously, I don't believe I have owned a full length mirror my entire adult life. I truly cannot remember having a full length mirror in my home as long as I've had my own place, which is since 1984!

And now for my major milestone... as of April 5, 2014, I have lost 100 pounds!!  This journey has been so very amazing that I have a hard time describing it!  My entire life has changed.  I am eager to begin each day, instead of waking up each morning dreading what I would wear and what people would think of me.  I now have total confidence in myself, instead of always wondering what people are thinking of me on a physical level that has nothing to do with me as a person, my job capabilities, or performance.  Over the past year, my increasing confidence has resulted in my ability to stretch beyond my doubts and accomplish things I would not have attempted before! 

So what's next?  Well....I know that I am able to eat more than I could following the first few months after surgery, and that really scares me.  My game plan is to eat sensibly, not deny myself too many things (as it only results in me binging), and to continue to monitor my weight.  I weigh myself every morning, and although some may say that is too often, it helps to guide my decisions each day.

I plan to maintain this weight from now on!!

The Amazing Shrinking Boobs

Did that title get your attention?! It's true... along with the rest of me, my boobs have shrunk! I bought a bunch of new bras several months ago, but I noticed they were getting too big.  So yesterday I bought new ones... in a B cup!  LOL.... never thought I'd see that size again!  Most women would probably be a big upset about it, but not me!  Smaller boobs is because of smaller me, and I think I still have enough to have a few curves.  

Today marks 13 months since my surgery.  I went to the doctor on Friday for my one year followup.  It wasn't Dr. Barker, because he's not always in Amarillo, so I saw Dr. Hodges, whom I love!  She is just a sweetheart and so willing to answer any questions.  She pulled out my "before" picture and she was so excited!  I have surpassed what they thought I would lose by 8 lbs.  I have lost 95 lbs.  She gave me a big hug!  :)

I'm not finished yet, though!  Stay tuned for more!!!

1 Year Anniversary and Thoughts on Turning 50

December 19 marked the one year anniversary of the surgery that changed everything for me! I feel like I have been given my life back, and my only regret is that I didn't do it much sooner!  Besides my physical appearance, the biggest change is in how much energy I have. I used to take naps all the time, and now it is rare for me to do that. I still love naps, just not as a way to pass the time or escape from life.

I have lost a total of 93 pounds, which still amazes me. I have lost 6 inches from my bust, 8 inches from my waist, and 13 inches from my hips. Downside? I have really ugly flabby excess skin on my abdomen and thighs. They say you have to give your body/skin time to adjust, but often times people need plastic surgery for the excess skin. Time will tell, I guess.

Here are some before and after pictures, as painful as it is for me to look at the before shots!! 

Christmas 2013

Christmas 2012

July 2009

December 20 was also a major milestone for me as I celebrated my 50th birthday. I didn't want to be alone, so I threw myself a birthday party. Some of my really good friends came and spent the evening sharing good times.

December 2013

Turning 50 doesn't really feel any different than turning 30 or 40 did. Perhaps that is because I feel so much better physically and emotionally than I have in years! However, reaching this half-century milestone does cause one to reflect on life, the past, and the future. It's another birthday and Christmas without having a partner, but I'm ok. I trust that God will bring my perfect mate at the right time. Until then I will enjoy my family and friends, and always be thankful for them!

Merry Christmas, my friends!

Fear and Faith

As I write this post to mark 11 months since my surgery, I have to admit that I have some fear. And to tell you that fear is the opposite of faith! My fear is that I will regain the weight I have lost. The devil is working overtime trying to get me to buy into that, and I refuse!! God has performed a miracle both in my physical appearance and my spiritual life, and I give all the glory to God! I am a precious child of His, and he loves me and wants me to be happy! He dd not bring me this far to fail, so I persevere!! I pray that you all are blessed as well, and join me in praising God for the good things he has done in our lives.

I love you all, and thank you so much for your friendship and support.

P.S. I have now lost 90 lbs. :)  I have had some people tell me that I shouldn't lose any more, but I would like to lose another 10-15 lbs.  But if I don't, I'm ok with that.  I am pretty happy where I am!

Ten Months Post-Op

I'm a little late in posting this, but the photos were taken at ten months.  My total weight loss at ten months was 87 pounds, and as of today is 89 pounds. I'm really, really enjoying shopping for new clothes, but it sure is expensive!!

Komen Race for the Cure 2013

me with my friend and boss, Nathalie

This year I participated in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure for the first time. I had always considered it, but as with many other events in the past, my weight and self-consciousness had held me back. This year I signed up and was so excited to be there! The morning was cool and crisp and the crowd was invigorating. I had so much energy and totally enjoyed the walk! 

and with my friend, Gerald



and my friend, Christie

Changes and Struggles

At nine months post-op I am reflecting on what has changed, what I've learned, and what I still struggle with.

Many things have changed, and some of them have been very interesting and even surprising to me. For instance, my perception of a serving of food. I didn't used to think much about a monster plate of food being served in a restaurant, and I'd probably eat a good portion (if not all) of it. Now things like that are almost overwhelming to me. I look at it and think, "that is at least FOUR meals!!" When I'm serving someone else, I'm not quite sure how much food to put on their plate. The feeling is almost one of confusion, or maybe just uncertainty. On the other hand, I am still struggling with eating a little too much to the point that I get too uncomfortable. On a few occasions I've actually thrown up, but thankfully that hasn't happened very often. That is probably my biggest challenge - knowing when to stop. Even after nine months, I am still learning.

I've written before about the disconnect between my physical size and the perception in my mind, and how hard that is to reconcile. When I shop for clothes, I still pick sizes that are too big and have to go out of the dressing room and get the right size. It absolutely amazes me that I am wearing a size medium in shirts and a 10 in pants! I used to wear a 2X!!!

So what have I learned? That I can get by with a lot less food!! That although my physical body is not the real me, it certainly affects my level of self-confidence, my attitude, and my outlook. And that by not worrying about me and what others think of me all the time, I can focus on others and participate in more activities. I can't even tell you how much more energy I have! I am enjoying Jazzercize classes and will walk in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure next Saturday. I'm more willing to go to events now that I'm not ashamed of my physical appearance. And I look forward to a healthy, active life from now on!

Blessings to all of you, my friends!

P.S. I lost five pounds this month for a total of 85 pounds lost.